4 Myths About Non-Monogamous Partners

Once you hear what ”
moral non-monogamy
,” exactly what do you picture? Monogamish partners exactly who sporadically have a guest celebrity in the bed room? Open, sprawling poly communities of people that resides alone and time casually? Three or four grownups and a lot of young ones, all living with each other? These would in fact be affordable, considering that the big large arena of honest non-monogamy encompasses
numerous relationship designs
and designs. These commitment types often only a few circumstances in keeping, but they’re essential similarities: they are honest, they include more than simply two different people, and they’re typically misinterpreted and conflated.

In my own time as a non-monogamous person, I’ve dipped my personal bottom into a number of the ethically non-mono pools. I have been monogamish, thought about me personal main companion (solo poly), and also tried out hierarchical poly — such as a really unfortunate but luckily quick time period
unicorn looking
. While
each framework features it really is own particular fables
that surround it
(and that is regrettable since there is numerous
much more interesting what to discuss
), any tip of ethical non-monogamy comes with some elementary myths which can be searching for quashing. Listed below are four urban myths that morally non-monogamous partners often encounter. But very first, take a look at most recent bout of Bustle’s Sex and affairs podcast, i’d like It this way:

Myth #1: We Are Cheating On Our Partners

The most obvious misconception encompassing morally non-monogamous lovers would be that one or each of all of them is actually “cheating,” specially if somebody sees you with some one except that the partner they generally view you with. However, in the event both partners exist, mono people usually equate honest non-monogamy with cheating, but the “ethical” component is key right here. Cheating is sexually unfaithful — having sex with somebody apart from an individual’s companion in
infraction of a border or arrangement
. In the event the arrangement

boasts

sexual activity with other partners, it’s simply not cheating — period.

Myth no. 2: We Are All Swingers

First of all usually pops into their heads an individual discovers a few they are aware isn’t monogamous is: swingers. Although some individuals favor that model of honest non-monogamy (stats are hard to find, but I don’t really know any swinger personals), lots of people in the community have actually various other frameworks which they choose, specially because a lot of people are more limited in their
determination getting gender away from mental hookup
.

Myth no. 3: We Are Doing It Because We Are Gay/Bi

Based on most people, non-monogamy could be the purview in the gays. Or at least, one or both of us need to be bi and “need” “both” sexes, right? Nearly. Quite a few directly people tend to be into moral non-monogamy (and lots of gay folk tend to be into monogamy), plus people people that queer? It isn’t really normally

precisely why

we are fairly non-monogamous. In addition, as a side note: there are more than two sexes.

Myth # 4: We’re At An Increased Risk For Getting An STI/STD

The reasoning right here type of follows
, we’ll admit that. But the statistics simply don’t concur:
relating to one present research
, people in monogamous connection had been equally as more likely to get an STI as ethically non-mono folk. Which also tends to make some feeling, truly: in case you are concealing other fans despite getting evidently monogamous, you’re less likely to make use of a condom off fear of a condom or wrapper getting discovered by your partner. In my experience, mono folk tend to also mention secure gender and sexual record less.
Ethically non-mono folk
, having said that, have actually considerable conversations about intimate history, recent sexual partners and protection methods, and STI screening and position — leading to individuals being able to generate well informed decisions in what dangers they just take, which keeps the possibility of STI transmission lower than you usually might expect.

Photos: praetorianphoto/E+/Getty Photos;


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